Wanting so badly to be what you "think" I should be...crying in a corner because I will never atain that level of perfection. I am not even close to being a finished piece of art...I'm a work in progress. Merely an idea...a thought...it is up to me, myself and I to work with what I'm given. A masterpiece I will never be. An abstract piece? Most defintately...forever changing...evolving...growing...finding myself in all of the pieces that you, my friends, my lifelines, give me. Sometimes I appear to be something that I am not...self assured...confident..strong...I am wounded, weak and lonely. Lonely because I often hide the real me for fear of rejection. I need so badly to be loved and accepted...though I am the first to say I don't care what others think...sadly, I do. It matters to my heart...my mind...my being. Always wanting to be more than what I am and longing to be visible...
See me....love me...accept me...appreciate me...KNOW me...acknowledge my existance...see the sacrafices I've made...know that if and when I love you I REALLY love you...I'm a person of my word...I will support you, love you...no matter what...it's how I'm made...right now though, know that I am having a hard time loving me...accepting me...so don't walk away...stand by me and watch me see myself for the very first time. Don't be frightened by the darkness that surrounds me...look really hard and see with me that one sliver of light. That is the "thing" I hold onto, cling to...need.
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Kelly, you are my light...you have gotten me through so much in the past few months just by knowing you are there. You make me happy with your sunny presence even when I know (and yeah I've seen it) that you don't really feel it. You have motivated me in so many ways...my weight being one of them. I have so much to be thankful for because YOU have helped me to see that I CAN GET THIS SHIT! You rock girlfriend and I'm so glad The Block brought us back together...I had forgotten what I was missing.
I love you. The dark you, the sunny you, the crazy you, they tearful you, the mad you, the WHOLE you! You are the most amazingly beautiful person, and I sweah I'm gonna make you see it someday! I count my blessings every day that through those hot mens I found a dear dear forever friend. OMG I SO <3 YOU! :)
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