When I was 14 years old I asked my mom for tickets to the NKOTB concert for my birthday…she came through with tickets to the Cincinnati show on July 10, 1990. I had turned 15 on the 6th of July. I totally thought that Jordan Knight was going to see me dressed in my polka dot shirt, matching leggings, lycra mini skirt and BIG hair and fall head over heels in love with me. Alas, when I got to my seat I realized it was in the VERY LAST ROW of the venue. I was CRUSHED…none the less, when the boys took the stage I was transported to a different time and place. I was blissful. That was one of the BEST birthdays ever….
Cut to 19 years later…I’m turning 34 and the BLOCK is playing close to Columbus…my girlfriends and I splurge on 5* tickets. Mind you, this is not my first 5* but by far the most special to me. I blubbered on Jordan at my first M & G – I doubt he understood a ¼ of the words that came out of my mouth. It was memorable and quite special to me as I did share something very personal with him and he was very kind and deeply touched. My 2nd M & G was more for my son than it was for me and for HIM it was amazing. But this one, THIS ONE, I wanted to actually TALK to them and not be dumbfounded…AND IT WAS MORE THAN I EVER COULD HAVE IMAGINED.
I always have a gazillion things I want to say to each of them. Do I ever manage to get it out of my mouth? Usually the answer is no…it usually ends up with me getting two wordsou t of my mouth, if that. Once again I had rehearsed all of the things I wanted to say, expecting full well to get in there and freeze. As we were standing in line I was chit chatting with Earl, the big burly bodyguard with a heart of gold and I wasn’t nervous at all. They finally allowed our group to go in. Did I go to Jordan first? Nope. Danny? Nope. Jon? Nope. Donnie? Nope. Joe? Nope. I went to ARMONDO – the bodyguard. I walked up to him and said…”I told you to remember this face, that you would see it again.” And he said “And I do, 4 heads in a door.” (Which is what the bodyguards referred to the 4 of us in our cabin on the cruise). I then said “Get used to it because you are gonna see me quite a bit this week” He said “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” I say “That remains to be seen.” LOL!
Next I made a BEELINE for Jordan. Stood in front of him and said “Jordan, I can’t talk to you so just read my shirt.” He did, smiled and opened his arms wide for a hug. I stepped in and just about died. BEST Jordan hug I have ever gotten. It was then picture time. I got lucky and got myself another Donnie/Jordan Sandwich (Yummy). The first picture Jordan is hamming it up as usual but the second one I wrapped my arms around him and LAYED my head on his shoulder. That was BLISS! He felt so good. That is the safest and most content I have felt in so long (why am I just realizing this?).
I then turned to find Joe. I walked up and said “Hi Joe. My name is Kelly. I’m your Sinatra Girl.” And he said “As in YOU ARE MY SINATRA?” I MELTED – Joe McIntyre REMEMBERED ME. HOLY SHIT! I said “Yep, that’s me.” He said “Thank you!” and opened those arms of his for a hug. I then had a lengthy conversation with him about the book drive in Cincinnati. The bodyguards were hovering but Joe kept putting his hand out to them so they wouldn’t interrupt us.
Finally I decide it’s probably time to go. I turn and am face to face with Donnie. I salute him. He salutes back. I say “Permission to grab your ass sir.” And he says “Grab it baby. Grab it with BOTH hands.” When he said “Grab it” I grabbed with my right hand…as soon as he said both hands it was like “BAM”. I grabbed and squeezed a couple of times. It was GREAT. Joe even looked over, eyes all big, and said “DAMN”.
On my way out I pass Jon. I say “Hi Jon, I’m Kelly and I gave you a napkin on the cruise.” He looked at me for a moment and then recognition set in and he said “Yes. Yes you did. THANK YOU!” and gave me an infamous Jon Knight hug.
Not until it was all over did I realize that I never saw or spoke to Danny. *sigh* I guess I have a new mission…
The show itself was absolutely amazing. They top themselves every time. I got some great photos; made some great new friends. Experienced a little girl’s first concert and saw first hand how much the guys care about the young ones. They don’t HAVE to pay attention to them but they seek them out and make them feel like they are very special.
Can’t wait to do it all again.
Special thanks to my girls for going with me again and helping make those memories even better (and for being able to verify that “things” actually happened and I wasn’t just making it up. ;)
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
"The Family"
Sometimes I forget – that you are different. You let us in. You allow us a glimpse into your lives. How honored we are to be trusted with “Real Talk”. For YOU are not just a group, and WE are not just the fans – we are FAMILY!
I don’t think one can truly appreciate the love we have for each other. Some of us have never met face to face and probably never will. But, these “strangers” are our brothers, sisters, best friends, confidants…they cry with us, laugh with us and celebrate with us. These are the people we can count on when times are tough and when we need an ear to listen or a shoulder on which to cry.
This “family” represents some of the happiest times of our lives. We have shared so much, even if we didn’t know it. We all LOVED these 5 guys from Boston with all of our hearts. They were our first boyfriends. Our secret keepers. They were everything we needed exactly when we needed them to be.
How blessed are we to have them in our lives again?
How amazing is it that they don’t treat us like fans but as friends?
How amazing is it that the “BAND” wants to be friends with us too?
How did we get so lucky?
To you, my new FAMILY, thank you for coming into my life and for allowing me into yours…thank you for sharing your troubles and for listening to mine. Thank you for your advice and for your tough love. Thank you for wiping my tears.
To you , my boys from the Block – thank you for allowing us a little peek into your lives. For feeling comfortable enough to share your quirky sense of humor with us and for treating us as more than just your fans. But most of all, thank you for bringing into my life some of the most amazing women I have ever known – some of which I consider some of my best friends.
So far the ride has been amazing…I can’t wait to see what’s around the corner…you guys are entirely too good to us…
I don’t think one can truly appreciate the love we have for each other. Some of us have never met face to face and probably never will. But, these “strangers” are our brothers, sisters, best friends, confidants…they cry with us, laugh with us and celebrate with us. These are the people we can count on when times are tough and when we need an ear to listen or a shoulder on which to cry.
This “family” represents some of the happiest times of our lives. We have shared so much, even if we didn’t know it. We all LOVED these 5 guys from Boston with all of our hearts. They were our first boyfriends. Our secret keepers. They were everything we needed exactly when we needed them to be.
How blessed are we to have them in our lives again?
How amazing is it that they don’t treat us like fans but as friends?
How amazing is it that the “BAND” wants to be friends with us too?
How did we get so lucky?
To you, my new FAMILY, thank you for coming into my life and for allowing me into yours…thank you for sharing your troubles and for listening to mine. Thank you for your advice and for your tough love. Thank you for wiping my tears.
To you , my boys from the Block – thank you for allowing us a little peek into your lives. For feeling comfortable enough to share your quirky sense of humor with us and for treating us as more than just your fans. But most of all, thank you for bringing into my life some of the most amazing women I have ever known – some of which I consider some of my best friends.
So far the ride has been amazing…I can’t wait to see what’s around the corner…you guys are entirely too good to us…
Monday, June 8, 2009
I see you - but I will not let you win!
I know that some of you are tired of hearing about the "darkness". Since its a constant state of life for me; I feel you deserve a little explanation.
Acknowledging the "darkness" out loud means that I have to deal with it. I can't let it overtake me. Because if I do it will certainly creep into every aspect of my waking and sleeping life. It will make me question my every move. It will contaminate my way of thinking. It will make me close the door on those that love me. It will make me go to that "place". The place where only darkness dwells. The place where everyone is better off without me. It will turn my friends into enemies. It will make the outside world seem evil - when in reality it is the darkness where evil dwells.
I have to stay on that line...thin as it may be...I cannot let it win. I must be strong.
You, my friends, you keep me strong. You remind me that I am worth SOMETHING...it may be little to some...to others it may be big...but none the less you remind me that I MATTER.
So to you, the darkness...I see you, I know you are there...but I will not let you in...I will wish you away. I will fight with all of my being. I will not allow you to make me feel worthless. I will not allow you to diminish the sunlight in my life. I will not let you take away my joy.
You can exist as a part of me...but you cannot have all of me.
Acknowledging the "darkness" out loud means that I have to deal with it. I can't let it overtake me. Because if I do it will certainly creep into every aspect of my waking and sleeping life. It will make me question my every move. It will contaminate my way of thinking. It will make me close the door on those that love me. It will make me go to that "place". The place where only darkness dwells. The place where everyone is better off without me. It will turn my friends into enemies. It will make the outside world seem evil - when in reality it is the darkness where evil dwells.
I have to stay on that line...thin as it may be...I cannot let it win. I must be strong.
You, my friends, you keep me strong. You remind me that I am worth SOMETHING...it may be little to some...to others it may be big...but none the less you remind me that I MATTER.
So to you, the darkness...I see you, I know you are there...but I will not let you in...I will wish you away. I will fight with all of my being. I will not allow you to make me feel worthless. I will not allow you to diminish the sunlight in my life. I will not let you take away my joy.
You can exist as a part of me...but you cannot have all of me.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
I don't like myself very much...
I don't like the fact that I have no willpower. I am unable to stick with an exercise program or a diet plan. I need something, someone to kick me in the ass...or do I? Maybe I just need to "own" it...maybe I need to grow some balls and do it.
I don't like that I am not a good friend. I wait for other to call me, I don't call them. OR, when I do call them I automatically think that they are mad at me or don't want to talk to me if they don't answer.
Talk about issues.
Insecurites are enough to eat me up.
Are my meds working?
I hate always second guessing myself.
I hate the constant questions that run through my head.
I hate that I never have the answers.
I hate that I hate myself...
I hate the excuses that I am able to get myself to believe.
Why can't I just be me...and be ok with who that is?
I don't like that I am not a good friend. I wait for other to call me, I don't call them. OR, when I do call them I automatically think that they are mad at me or don't want to talk to me if they don't answer.
Talk about issues.
Insecurites are enough to eat me up.
Are my meds working?
I hate always second guessing myself.
I hate the constant questions that run through my head.
I hate that I never have the answers.
I hate that I hate myself...
I hate the excuses that I am able to get myself to believe.
Why can't I just be me...and be ok with who that is?
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Seriously?
She wrote, I feel just like that painting collecting dust on the wall
And every day you walk right by me and don’t know I’m there at all
And I cant think of one single reason why I should be hanging around
She signed it, I hope that you’ll miss me, and she drove herself out of town
Maybe he’ll notice her now, maybe he’ll open his eyes
Sometimes it takes somebody leaving for a man to realize
Maybe he’ll tell her she’s the only thing that he cant live without
Now that she’s gone maybe he’ll notice her now
When he came home late that evening, he called her name down the hall
He saw the outline of the painting that used to hang there on the wall
And in its place on the nail was a letter, he read it out loud to himself
And the loneliness began to take over and for once he knew just how she felt
Maybe he’ll notice her now, maybe he’ll open his eyes
Sometimes it takes somebody leaving for a man to realize
Maybe he’ll tell her she’s the only thing that he cant live without
Now that she’s gone maybe he’ll notice her now
He called her up, he said I have been such a fool
She said I will come back and boy I still love you
Maybe he’ll notice her now, maybe he’ll open his eyes
Sometimes it takes somebody leaving for a man to realize
Maybe he’ll tell her she’s the only thing that he cant live without
Now that she’s gone maybe he’ll notice her now
I’m coming home, maybe you’ll notice me now
Mindy McCready – Maybe He’ll Notice Her Now
The line from this song keeps running through my head. “Maybe he’ll notice her now…maybe he’ll open his eyes…
That’s how I feel with regards to the guys. Do I think that one of them is gonna fall madly in love with me and marry me? HELL to the muthafuckin no…BUT, having them “notice” me or remember me would mean the world to me. I want so badly to be memorable. I want them to know me. I want to know that I made an impression on them as they have made an impression on me. I want that chance to talk to them like the people they are.
Those that have called me crazy…well, this might be the one time you are right. I’m feeling SO silly for feeling this way…
I’m not convinced that this feeling isn’t about my life in general…that I want “someone” to notice me…
Gah, I hate this feeling…
And every day you walk right by me and don’t know I’m there at all
And I cant think of one single reason why I should be hanging around
She signed it, I hope that you’ll miss me, and she drove herself out of town
Maybe he’ll notice her now, maybe he’ll open his eyes
Sometimes it takes somebody leaving for a man to realize
Maybe he’ll tell her she’s the only thing that he cant live without
Now that she’s gone maybe he’ll notice her now
When he came home late that evening, he called her name down the hall
He saw the outline of the painting that used to hang there on the wall
And in its place on the nail was a letter, he read it out loud to himself
And the loneliness began to take over and for once he knew just how she felt
Maybe he’ll notice her now, maybe he’ll open his eyes
Sometimes it takes somebody leaving for a man to realize
Maybe he’ll tell her she’s the only thing that he cant live without
Now that she’s gone maybe he’ll notice her now
He called her up, he said I have been such a fool
She said I will come back and boy I still love you
Maybe he’ll notice her now, maybe he’ll open his eyes
Sometimes it takes somebody leaving for a man to realize
Maybe he’ll tell her she’s the only thing that he cant live without
Now that she’s gone maybe he’ll notice her now
I’m coming home, maybe you’ll notice me now
Mindy McCready – Maybe He’ll Notice Her Now
The line from this song keeps running through my head. “Maybe he’ll notice her now…maybe he’ll open his eyes…
That’s how I feel with regards to the guys. Do I think that one of them is gonna fall madly in love with me and marry me? HELL to the muthafuckin no…BUT, having them “notice” me or remember me would mean the world to me. I want so badly to be memorable. I want them to know me. I want to know that I made an impression on them as they have made an impression on me. I want that chance to talk to them like the people they are.
Those that have called me crazy…well, this might be the one time you are right. I’m feeling SO silly for feeling this way…
I’m not convinced that this feeling isn’t about my life in general…that I want “someone” to notice me…
Gah, I hate this feeling…
Donnie F*cking Wahlberg
Donnie Wahlberg – The 2009 CRUISE Edition
Now, I’ve had my fair share of FACETIME with Mr. Wahlberg. You could say I’ve been one of the “lucky” ones. Do I seek him out? No, can’t say that I do. I am just usually in the right place at the right time.
For instance, on the cruise, I happened to be standing on the upper level of the deck, taking pictures of some of the guys on stage. I was oblivious to the fact that Ddub was leaving the stage. All of a sudden there was a commotion behind me…I turn to see that Donnie is making his way, flanked by bodyguards, from the lower level to the upper level. I walk over to the top of the steps to get a good picture. Without notice, D starts passing out hugs. He reaches out and grabs me, pulls me in and lingers there for a minute with my head resting on his neck. Now I’m sure it was over in an instant but DAMN, when he’s holding you, it feels like FOREVER. He goes on down the line leaving me there dazed and confused. I love the aftershock of a D-Dub Hug! Oh, did I mention that I was so out of it that I never got a picture? I’m an IDIOT!
Ok, then there was the time that I was looking for Jordan. It was Sunday and he was rumored to be headed up to the casino, after the concert, to play some Blackjack. Me, wanting to catch a glimpse of my man headed that direction. OH MY GOODNESS, the place was packed. I had forgotten that Donnie was set to play his heads up poker game. People had staked out there spots already to catch a glimpse of D. I walked through the entire casino, no Jordan. I even peeked over towards the mass of people waiting for Donnie; didn’t see him. I turned to leave and ran smack dab into DONNIE FUCKING WAHLBERG. He smiled that smile that only D smiles. He reached out and grabbed my arm at the elbow and slid his hand down my arm, stopping at my hand and lingering there (that man ALWAYS lingers). The whole time his eyes were locked on mine. Once again, I’m left dazed and confused…I look at him and say “Well, you’re not the New Kid I was looking for but that’ll do.”
*Sigh*
All of my D-Dub encounters have been WONDERFUL…thing is, I STILL don’t have a picture with him. That’s on my list though.
Oh, is it just me, or is Donnie Wahlberg acknowledging your existence in this world just the best thing ever? He makes you feel like you are the only person in the room…like he only has eyes for you. It’s quite an amazing feeling. I do adore me some D-Dub but my heart remains Jordan’s.
Now, I’ve had my fair share of FACETIME with Mr. Wahlberg. You could say I’ve been one of the “lucky” ones. Do I seek him out? No, can’t say that I do. I am just usually in the right place at the right time.
For instance, on the cruise, I happened to be standing on the upper level of the deck, taking pictures of some of the guys on stage. I was oblivious to the fact that Ddub was leaving the stage. All of a sudden there was a commotion behind me…I turn to see that Donnie is making his way, flanked by bodyguards, from the lower level to the upper level. I walk over to the top of the steps to get a good picture. Without notice, D starts passing out hugs. He reaches out and grabs me, pulls me in and lingers there for a minute with my head resting on his neck. Now I’m sure it was over in an instant but DAMN, when he’s holding you, it feels like FOREVER. He goes on down the line leaving me there dazed and confused. I love the aftershock of a D-Dub Hug! Oh, did I mention that I was so out of it that I never got a picture? I’m an IDIOT!
Ok, then there was the time that I was looking for Jordan. It was Sunday and he was rumored to be headed up to the casino, after the concert, to play some Blackjack. Me, wanting to catch a glimpse of my man headed that direction. OH MY GOODNESS, the place was packed. I had forgotten that Donnie was set to play his heads up poker game. People had staked out there spots already to catch a glimpse of D. I walked through the entire casino, no Jordan. I even peeked over towards the mass of people waiting for Donnie; didn’t see him. I turned to leave and ran smack dab into DONNIE FUCKING WAHLBERG. He smiled that smile that only D smiles. He reached out and grabbed my arm at the elbow and slid his hand down my arm, stopping at my hand and lingering there (that man ALWAYS lingers). The whole time his eyes were locked on mine. Once again, I’m left dazed and confused…I look at him and say “Well, you’re not the New Kid I was looking for but that’ll do.”
*Sigh*
All of my D-Dub encounters have been WONDERFUL…thing is, I STILL don’t have a picture with him. That’s on my list though.
Oh, is it just me, or is Donnie Wahlberg acknowledging your existence in this world just the best thing ever? He makes you feel like you are the only person in the room…like he only has eyes for you. It’s quite an amazing feeling. I do adore me some D-Dub but my heart remains Jordan’s.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Ramblings
Isn't it wonderful to see someone you put so much effort, love and faith into, that dropped you like a bad habit - FAIL?! I know it's not the "Godly" thing to do but damn it feels good to know that even if it didn't seem like it at the time, you are better off without them in your life.
I like Jello~ Sometimes I forget how much I like Jello. Then I have some...and remember how much I DO like Jello?
Is it time for bed? I'm tired....long drive tomorrow.
If I had all of my followers from Twitter at my house they wouldn't fit. I really don't know why they are following me...am I that funny and interesting?
Why would Jon Knight get everyone all excited by saying NAKED and FLOP in back to back Tweets only to run off and leave us all hot and bothered? So unfair...
Do you feel like you are the only person in the world who loves NKOTB to the moon and back?
Why is it so easy for Donnie Wahlberg to inspire me? His words lift me up and get me going...RISE and GRIND!
I'm loving my new friends "across the pond" - They F-ing RAWK.
I never wanted to be in the Army until Jessicaca mentioned her Army and then I NEEDED to belong.
Wondering if ILAA will let me take flashcards into Meet & Greet - I always get silly stupid and can't talk to Jordan when he's near me...and there is so much I want to say.
Ok...I think that's it...I'm tired...must get sleep.
I like Jello~ Sometimes I forget how much I like Jello. Then I have some...and remember how much I DO like Jello?
Is it time for bed? I'm tired....long drive tomorrow.
If I had all of my followers from Twitter at my house they wouldn't fit. I really don't know why they are following me...am I that funny and interesting?
Why would Jon Knight get everyone all excited by saying NAKED and FLOP in back to back Tweets only to run off and leave us all hot and bothered? So unfair...
Do you feel like you are the only person in the world who loves NKOTB to the moon and back?
Why is it so easy for Donnie Wahlberg to inspire me? His words lift me up and get me going...RISE and GRIND!
I'm loving my new friends "across the pond" - They F-ing RAWK.
I never wanted to be in the Army until Jessicaca mentioned her Army and then I NEEDED to belong.
Wondering if ILAA will let me take flashcards into Meet & Greet - I always get silly stupid and can't talk to Jordan when he's near me...and there is so much I want to say.
Ok...I think that's it...I'm tired...must get sleep.
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